Finally, got an email couple of days ago
“ Dear Ali Ahmed,
Congratulations on becoming a CGA member. You are cordially invited to attend the Certified General Accountants of Ontario Ottawa Chapter annual general meeting to be held on Friday, May 28, 2010 at the Canadian Museum of Civilization – Voyageurs Salon, 100 Laurier St., Gatineau starting with a wine and cheese reception at 5:30 p.m.
You and your guest(s) are most welcome to attend the dinner and entertainment immediately following the meeting”
If I recall it correctly, the last time was cordially invited was……….never! However, I remember invited once to this party at my friends place and I was very warmly welcomed, turns out it was a fund raiser for a friend who didn’t have money left to come back from a vacation, as he spent all on the booze there. All of the friends in the party celebrated this fund raiser by booze itself and raised $50, out of which $35 was mine.
I was very excited about this annual general meeting; finally got a chance to wear my $200 suit I bought a year ago for special occasions, which never seem to happen. I miss hanging out with my buddies, ever since they have caller Id’s in their phone plans they are never home. Actually, the reason I was required to be there was because of this Oath I have to take in order to be a designated accountant. When I got my ACCA membership I got all banana’s, I can safely say that it was one of my memorable moments in my life… all the happiness and excitement .. PRICELESS!
Finally the day I was waiting for, Friday the 28 .All excited and pumped up! Felt like graduation all over again! Took a cab.. yes, it has been while .. I don’t like tipping cabbies…it’s like their own business!! Why should we tip them, stupid norms ! …may be wahaj can answer that…but there is other stuff to worry about…. Like extinction on blue whale, who needs them? When I reached at the museum of civilization, all I saw was beautiful, god created girls! They were very well dressed and I was pretty glad to see that their weren’t many guys. Hence, more chances. I had this big smile on my face and as I entered the hall. The smile was very much identical to the smile what immigrant has when they go for a walk in downtown Manhattan, full of unrealistic hope and happiness. I kept on saying hello and hi to different girls, please do mind that it was solely for networking purpose as it was a Annual General Meeting, every thing was strictly professional. However due to some reason, no one replied me back, which was kind of heart breaking.. I started following the crowd; I started following the ppl if you know what I mean. As I was entering into this big hall full of beautiful people, I was approached by a gentleman with black pant, a black t-shirt and a bullet proof vest for some reason which said security on it. And I started having thoughts about racism! Damn, brown guys can’t even pass through a museum security! What was it a random check!! .. I got all pumped up with all anti-racism comments, all learned by different movies, “Just because I am brown doesn’t mean that I work at 7-eleven” Anyways, the reason he approached me was that I was in a wrong hall… It was a graduation ceremony of some sort and those were all 19 year old kids… and now I know why no one was answering my humble hello.
Got to know from information that Voyageurs Salon is a small hall located next to the cafeteria! I still had my spirits high! Because it wasn’t some kind of small occasion.. I was my graduation! As I entered Voyageurs Salon, at the reception I met an Indian guy, I was very warmly welcomed by him. Why is that? Like every time you see a brown guy, you are all excited? Why is it always like “ABEY TOOO BHI!” (You too). After being greeted by that brown guy, I was waaaaaaay excited! And by excited I mean happy, just so u know. I had this big smile when I entered the hall but things weren’t as expected, It seemed like someone just passed here. Every one was serious, no smiles, no jokes floating around, all I could see was big orange size bald accountants in their 40’s with their big tummies! it was like … “this is what u’ll be after 10 years” that was an horrific image… Bald fat beardy accountant called Ali …*stop imagining me :@ **zap*…There were 2 groups in the meeting. All the Chinese accountants in one corner and white one on the other end and none of them had a smile on their faces, they were dead serious. I tried breaking into the Chinese group, because I always go along with them pretty good. I have this thing that when ever I talk to someone, I try having an eye contact with him as it increases focus, like you know I can trace everything in persons eye, if he is getting annoyed, bored, or if he into this discussion. I tried looking in their eyes just for the sake of discussion, but I couldn’t focus it!! Their eyes were like emotionless! I tried cracking every joke I had, people smile but their emotions were static, they were laughing but it was just their lips !! It was annoying so I left that group.
No one was excited of being a member and everybody was dressed casually, jeans and polo. I felt like a server their…I couldn’t wait to just take an oath and leave this stupid hall but that doesn’t seem to be happening.. After failing mixing it with Chinese people, I started breaking into other smaller groups, I tried networking with people, tried listening to what they were talking about, may be some insights about wall street or something.. But I failed… This is what I heard people talking about:
Group 1- What do you think about this cheese
Group 2 – Racoons are adorable at times
Group 3- My dog died, god he was friendly
Group 4- You know what my 1 year old says to me – Dada, isn’t that adorable ( the guy was 60, how could he have 1 year old ! )
Group 5- Looks like it’s about to rain tomorrow!
Group 6- I cant wait to have a great time on the cruise with my wife, ( to much information)
Finally, the time everybody was waiting for, Oath taking ceremony started. All new members were called upon this stage and were asked to recite a oath…no one was smiling. Its like forefathers of accountancy and finance were some geeks who weren’t welcomed by cool guys, guys who were bullied in school, got wedgies and believe in aliens. Finance was something they found a mode to get it back to those people who made thems uffer. That being said, I was the only dumb ass smiling.
After 30 mins of boring speech, finally, the chairman said “Let me tell you something hilarious – I am glad I did my CGA 10 years ago, its pretty tuff now !” the crowd got all nuts and laughed their guts out ! they couldn’t stop laughing ! …WORD ! First rule of cracking a joke – never introduce a joke by saying its hilarious. Second- the joke wasn’t funny ..all I would think at that time was “ WHAT THE F… ! it felt like IN YOUR FACE Ass holes ”
